“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.”
This is another one of the books that I had on my 'To-Read' list for longer than it actually took me to read. I bought it back in October with a gift voucher my brother gave me for my birthday and aimed to read it a week or so later, but as always I ended up deciding to read other books instead. I was intrigued by the blurb, books about mental health and suicide have always interested me so I figured this would be a great read.
(I may or may not have used it as a coaster a few times, which is why the cover is a little dirty)
What is it about?
Sixteen-year-old Aysel is Haunted my her father's violent crime. Her mother has a new family and will barely look at her, her friends have distanced themselves, and the other kids at school think she is weird. Aysel is alone. That is until she finds herself on Smooth Passages, a website that helps people find suicide partners; when someone from the next town over requests a partner, she can't help but reply...
My thoughts
I was expecting a lot more from this book, maybe because I had been wanting to read it for a while and had built it up, but it left me feeling incredibly let down. I feel like it's a cop out when anyone says this, but, I honestly think that although it was a great premise, it could have been put together in a better thought out way. There was enough plot to drive the narrative, but the characters came across as being a little two dimensional. In all honesty, I only read it to the end because I wanted to see if they actually went through with it.
It's a YA novel so I didn't expect it to venture too far into the darkness, but I did hope that it was going to go further than what it did. The writing, on the other hand, is electric. Her vivid descriptions of what it is like to live with depression and suicidal ideations, especially from the mind of a young person are powerful, believable and undoubtedly full of raw emotion. There are some great one liners and paragraphs that really resonated with me which makes me believe that the author has a real understanding of depression and suicide.
“Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”
It is a real eye opener to teen depression and suicide, especially to those who have never suffered from either of them. It definitely is a good read. It is not a mushy-gushy love story which I particularly loved as love stories irk me with a passion. You should read it if you enjoy books of a similar theme such as It's Kind of a Funny Story, Go Ask Alice, and I'll Give you the Sun.
“And this time, I can feel my hand. I can feel everything. And I want to keep feeling everything. Even the painful, awful, terrible things. Because feeling things is what lets us know that we’re alive.
And I want to be alive.”
And I want to be alive.”
Trigger Warning: Depression, Suicide, Death.
If you are struggling please call the Samaritans on 116 123
Have you read this book? Share your thoughts below.
Kirstie xoxo